


my one desire

by blazeofglory



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Cunnilingus, F/F, First Time, Fluff, Genderbending, Love Confessions, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:39:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6193705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazeofglory/pseuds/blazeofglory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has never liked boys, but she's <i>always</i> liked Merlin. She just never knew how to ask for what she wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my one desire

**Author's Note:**

> Is the title taken from Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"? Maybe. Did I write this instead of studying for midterms? Definitely.

Arthur never asked for things. Whatever she needed, she just _got_ , and if not, she demanded it. No one expected anything less—Arthur was the _princess_ , and that meant that she got whatever she wanted. 

There was only one thing that she didn’t know how to ask for, and that was because she wasn’t sure it was something she could have. If she demanded it, she would get it; she knew that. But she wasn’t so without morals that she would ever demand it in the first place. As it was, she was working on a plan to figure out what to do. 

In the meantime, she watched. And she waited. And she _wanted_. No knights or lords or even handsome stable boys had ever caught her eye, which was something that had always pleased her father because he said it gave him one less thing to worry about, but it had always vexed Arthur. All the other girls her age were _crazy_ about boys—especially Morgana, who seemed to have a new crush every week. Arthur really didn’t understand the fuss. 

Then she met Merlin.

Merlin, who _definitely_ caught her eye. Merlin, who was so below her station that she shouldn’t be looking at all. Merlin, with long fingers and bright blue eyes and a laugh that haunted Arthur’s most intimate dreams. Merlin, who was undoubtedly a woman.

Arthur’s attraction to Merlin was more of a nuisance than anything. Merlin was a _terrible_ handmaiden, which Arthur never failed to let her know, and Merlin had absolutely no respect for her as a princess. But Merlin had saved her life a time or two, though God only knows how, and… they were friends. They were close enough that Arthur was _sure_ that Merlin noticed the way Arthur looked at her sometimes.

In the evenings, when Merlin would bring her her dinner, she would set down the tray and then sit down across the table from Arthur presumptuously, no care in the world that she definitely wasn’t supposed to be doing that. She would toss her long, dark hair, and her ridiculously full lips would smile at Arthur, already rambling on with some wild story Arthur that was more than half-convinced was made up. Sometimes, Arthur couldn’t keep her eyes away from those pink lips, or from the curve of Merlin’s pale neck, or the way her cheap gowns never seemed to fit quite right—they were always too big, hiding the lithe figure that Arthur knew Merlin possessed, glimpsed only a handful of times when they kept close quarters on their journeys.

One night, Arthur had dragged her eyes away from Merlin’s mouth, only to find Merlin had fallen silent and was giving her an odd look. They were quiet for what felt like a long moment, though really it couldn’t have been more than a second, before Merlin picked the story back up. 

Hours later, Arthur was laying in bed, wide awake. As much as she had tried to deny her thoughts and ignore her feelings, she couldn’t get Merlin off her bloody mind. She felt half-crazy for thinking it, but she knew they had some sort of connection that definitely went beyond just a princess and her handmaiden. It was _deeper_ than that, and whatever that meant, it… well, it didn’t scare her, really. It just put her on edge. But she was still _Princess_ Arthur Pendragon, and she still got everything that she wanted, and she’d be damned if that was going to stop now.

She wouldn’t force Merlin to do anything—she would never demand it. But something was telling her that perhaps her advancements wouldn’t be entirely unwelcome. The look Merlin had given her earlier… There had been understanding in it, but not disgust. Curiosity, maybe. _Interest_ might be just wishful thinking, but Arthur thought that’s what she saw nonetheless.

Arthur made up her mind. As always, she was going to woman the _fuck_ up and do what needed to be done. She donned a robe and opened her chamber door, easily spotting a knight on guard down the hall. She told him to summon Merlin.

Scarcely ten minutes later, Merlin burst through the door without knocking, looking sullen and tired. Her hair was sleep-mussed and her blue sleeping gown threatened to fall off one shoulder, and the look on her face was grumpier than Arthur had ever seen it. She grinned at her handmaiden from where she sat on her bed, beckoning her over.

“You weren’t sleeping, were you, _Mer_ lin?” she teased, to which Merlin rolled her eyes. The other girl hesitated for a second, as if for once remembering her station, before clambering onto the bed and sitting across from Arthur.

“You know I was, you prat,” Merlin grumbled, stifling a yawn. “Why on earth weren’t _you_?” 

It was Arthur’s turn to hesitate now. As confident as she always was, this was… uncharted waters. _I think I might be a bit in love with you_ , Arthur wanted to say, but couldn’t. Instead, she said, “There are some things we need to discuss.” 

“Things that couldn’t wait ‘til morning?” Merlin asked, raising a challenging brow.

“ _Important_ things,” Arthur insisted. 

A concerned look crossed Merlin’s face, and she leaned forward. “Is everything alright? Has there been any news about—”

“Everything’s fine,” Arthur interrupted, heaving a dramatic sigh. “Honestly, Merlin, do you think I’d be in bed with you if there was an emergency?”

Arthur immediately blushed at her phrasing, and Merlin laughed, loud and carefree. 

“I really can’t think of a reason why you _are_ in bed with me,” Merlin answered, sounding both insubordinate and curious at the same time. There was a mischievous gleam in her eyes that Arthur had learned not to trust a long time ago.

“Oh, this is ridiculous!” Arthur declared in exasperation with herself, standing up suddenly. She stood with her back toward Merlin, staring at the wall. She took a deep breath, but did not turn around. “I summoned you here because I want you in my bed, Merlin. You must know that." 

Merlin was uncharacteristically quiet, but Arthur was too nervous to turn around and see the look on her face. Would it be disgust? Revulsion? Resignation to do a deed that she did not want any part of? Arthur had never felt so vulnerable in her entire life.

When Merlin spoke, her voice was soft. “I thought I was imagining things.” 

Arthur couldn’t help but turn, frowning now. Merlin’s face didn’t look disgusted or revolted or resigned—she was smiling, looking quite satisfied with herself. “What do you mean, imagining things?”

“The way you look at me,” Merlin answered, a blush rising on her cheeks and all the way up to her big ears as her smile grew. “I thought it was wishful thinking.”

“Wait, you mean you—?”

“I thought you knew,” Merlin said simply. Arthur was at a loss for words, unable to process that, somehow, _Merlin wanted her too._ Merlin rolled her eyes. “Quit staring and come back over here.”

“Oh, you think you’re allowed to boss me around now?” Arthur asked with a laugh, their easy rapport winning out over any nervousness she was still feeling. She stepped closer to the bed, crowding close to Merlin who was now sitting on the edge, and their eyes met. There was only one candle lit on the mantle, and in the darkness, Merlin’s eyes seemed more gold than blue; Arthur stared, transfixed.

Arthur lifted her hands to cup Merlin’s face gently as she leaned down, and Merlin looked up at her, something deep shining in those bright eyes. But then both of their eyes were slipping shut as Arthur finally closed the distance between them, kissing Merlin slowly. It felt _right_ , and Arthur didn’t even have time to think about what that meant before Merlin hands were on her waist, pulling her closer.

Arthur stumbled forward and ended up pushing Merlin down onto the bed, not even breaking the kiss. She bit Merlin’s plump lower lip just as she’d dreamt about a thousand times, and her hands reluctantly left Merlin’s face to hike up the edges of her own nightgown so she could straddle Merlin’s hips more easily. It really was like a fucking _dream_. Merlin was making soft, demanding noises into her mouth, and her hands were in Arthur’s blonde hair now, tugging just a little. The kiss was hot and wet and _perfect._

Arthur could feel Merlin’s lips curving up into a smile as she pulled back a fraction of an inch. “You really want this?” she asked breathlessly, searching Merlin’s face for any signs of indecision. “You know you don— _oh_.” 

Merlin’s hands had been moving down Arthur’s back and over her thighs, but one hand made its way between her legs, rendering Arthur speechless for the second time that night. She wasn’t wearing anything beneath her nightgown; Merlin was smirking.

“I know I don’t have to,” Merlin replied smugly, which Arthur silently chastised herself for finding so damn attractive. One slender finger spread her labia, just _barely_ dipping into her wetness. “I _want_ to.”

Though Arthur was undoubtedly the stronger one of the two, she let Merlin flip their positions. With a little shifting, they were fully on the bed, no limbs hanging off, and Arthur’s hair was fanned out on her pillow. Merlin was straddling one of her thighs, and Arthur’s blood-red nightgown had been pushed up to pool around her hips.

“Have you been thinking about this?” Merlin asked, her voice slightly muffled against Arthur’s neck where she was pressing feather-light kisses. She slid her finger inside Arthur just enough to wet the tip, and then she was circling her clit slowly. “You’re so wet already…”

“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” Arthur gasped out, hips bucking up of their own accord. “I’ve been thinking about this since we _met._ ”

Merlin sat up, a wide grin on her face. “Really? Since we met?”

“Practically.” Arthur sat up too, kissing Merlin again, only breaking the embrace to pull Merlin’s gown over her head and toss it aside. She was blessedly naked underneath— _Gods_ , Arthur didn’t even know where to touch her first. Uncharted waters once again; but this time, she dove in headfirst. She cupped Merlin’s small breasts in both hands, delighting in the feeling of her nipples tightening at her touch. “Even when I thought you were the most useless handmaiden in the _history_ of handmaidens, I always thought you were… Breathtaking.”

Arthur dragged her eyes away from Merlin’s chest, back up to her face. For once, Merlin seemed at a loss for words, so Arthur kissed her again. She ran her thumbs over those pretty pink nipples, and Merlin _shivered_ , breaking the kiss with a low moan.

“I knew you’d be loud,” Arthur said with a haughty smile, making Merlin roll her eyes the way she had a thousand times before. Arthur suddenly flipped them again, pinning Merlin beneath her. 

“And I knew you’d want to be on top,” Merlin countered, prompting a chuckle out of Arthur. 

Arthur nibbled at Merlin’s ear, then slowly kissed her way down her pale neck. Merlin’s skin tasted like sweat and salt, and Arthur couldn’t get _enough_. She found Merlin’s racing pulse and closed her lips around it, sucking a mark into Merlin’s skin. Arthur pulled back with a smug grin. “ _I_ knew you’d like being on the bottom.”

Arthur finally wrestled her nightgown over her head and tossed it to the floor beside Merlin’s, then leaned back down, relishing in the feel of all their naked skin pressed together. She pressed a trail of kisses down Merlin’s chest, paying special attention to Merlin’s rosy nipples and the _sounds_ Merlin made when she kissed them. Then she made her way farther down, scooting down the bed, and—and she really didn’t know what she was doing.

In all her years of training with the knights, Arthur had overheard a crude story or two, but she _was_ still a princess, and most people watched what they said around her. She had a basic grasp of how sex worked; she wasn’t stupid. But those basic ideas didn’t really apply here, so she would have to improvise. As she settled between Merlin’s legs, she thought to herself, _this is what people do, isn’t it?,_ and when she looked up at Merlin’s face, all she could see was hunger and anticipation.

Arthur kissed the inside of Merlin’s thighs, leaving more red marks in her wake. She ran her fingers over the dark curls between Merlin’s legs, and then over her lips, swollen and _wet_. Arthur could even _smell_ her, musk and sweat and something she couldn’t put her finger on, and she just had to _taste_. She looked up at Merlin one last time, and then she was pressing close, licking into Merlin’s center.

“God, _Arthur_.” Merlin cursed and her hips shifted closer, which Arthur took as a good sign. Merlin tasted even _better_ than she smelled. Arthur lapped up every drop of Merlin’s wetness, and when she couldn’t get her tongue in far enough to satisfy her, Arthur added a finger. Merlin’s answering moan was loud and unashamed as she clenched around Arthur’s finger.

This was better than Arthur had ever dreamt.

Thinking back on all the times she’d touched herself and what felt good then, Arthur crooked her finger inside Merlin, searching for _that_ spot. Then she was adding her mouth back into the equation, finally licking at Merlin’s clit.

“ _Arthur—_!” Merlin moaned even louder, her hands now in Arthur’s hair, holding her face against her hot pussy.

Spurred on by Merlin’s reaction, Arthur kept at it, relentlessly stroking that spot inside Merlin as she licked and sucked at her clit. She could feel Merlin’s wetness coating her lips and her chin and all over her fingers. Merlin was grinding against her, and she was moaning breathlessly—and getting louder every second. Arthur sent up a silent prayer that the knight out in the hall was far enough away that he wouldn’t hear.

Merlin moaned again, the sound music to Arthur’s ears, and then she was finally coming, back arching off the bed and her hips pressing closer to Arthur’s face and fingers. She collapsed, boneless, back on the bed after a long moment, breath coming fast. Arthur pulled back slowly, wiping her fingers off on the bedspread distractedly—she was fixated on the image of Merlin laid out in front of her, naked and flushed and more beautiful than ever.

“I can feel you staring,” Merlin deadpanned, not opening her eyes; though her smile belied her indifference. Arthur laughed and laid down next to Merlin, pulling her into a cuddle. Merlin made a soft humming noise and pressed a kiss to Arthur’s clavicle. “Have you done that before?”

“No,” Arthur admitted with another quiet chuckle. “I was sort of making it up as I went along, but you didn’t seem to mind.”

Merlin snorted, as ladylike as ever. “I’m _definitely_ not complaining.” And then, a little quieter, “I’ve never done this either.” 

They were quiet for a long moment, and Arthur thought that maybe Merlin had fallen asleep. But when she shifted a little, thighs clenched together, Merlin picked her head up, that familiar knowing look on her face.

“I haven’t forgotten about you,” Merlin teased, and Arthur rolled her eyes again, despite the blush rising to her cheeks once again. 

“I thought you were _asleep_ ,” she pointed out, shivering under Merlin’s light touch as those nimble fingers slid down her stomach.

“And leave you wet and wanting?” Merlin’s breath was hot in her ear, and her hand was slipping lower... “I would never do that to you, Your _Highness_.”

Any response Arthur may have had to Merlin’s rare notice of proper titles was wiped out of her mind the second Merlin slipped two fingers inside her pussy; a ragged moan escaped her lips. 

Merlin’s fingers were deft and quick, and her whispered words in Arthur’s ear only made her wetter. It was a litany of praises and _God’_ s and maybe even the word “love,” but Arthur was too far gone to really notice the particulars. Her whole world had narrowed down to the feeling of Merlin touching her, _fucking_ her, giving her everything she had ever wanted. Her orgasm came upon her hard and fast, moaning Merlin’s name as her world went blissfully white. 

Merlin withdrew her fingers, and Arthur mourned their loss for a second before Merlin’s words finally caught up with her. Though she was still breathless, she tangled her fingers in Merlin’s messy hair and pulled her in for a long kiss. When they parted, she had to ask—she had to know. “Did you mean that?” 

“Which part?” Merlin asked, feigning ignorance. “The bit about this being my dirtiest dream come true? Or the other thing?”

Arthur sighed in exasperation. “Yes, the other thing.”

“Well…” Merlin stole another long, lingering kiss, then shifted off of Arthur, putting unwelcome distance between them. “Of course I meant it.”

Arthur immediately closed the space on the bed, curling up against Merlin’s side. “ _Good_ ,” she said, and she could feel Merlin’s huff of surprise right under her ear. “I love you too, terrible handmaiden skills and all.”

Merlin’s laugh was unexpected and sweet. “I can’t believe I’m in love with such a _prat._ ”

“Sleep now, Merlin. You can tell me how much you love me in the morning.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Arthur felt Merlin press a soft kiss to the top of her head. “Goodnight, Arthur.”

Arthur nuzzled closer, a sleepy smile on her face. “Goodnight, Merlin.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've said it before and I'll say it again: I take it as my personal duty to write genderbent smut for all my fandoms. It was only a matter of time before I made it to Merlin! 
> 
> This also felt SUPER good to write because I haven't written these two in _ages_ , and I've _never_ given them a happy ending before. They earned this one. 
> 
> And another thing! There are a shit TON of italics in this, which I don't usually do-- but Arthur is dramatic as fuck tbh. And good god, she was fun to write. 
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought and if you have any ideas you'd like me to have a go at! :)


End file.
